No one loves to be grounded by poor health conditions. But just a few knows that the antidotes to kick out and cut the risks of some unwholesome health conditions like cold, flu, moodiness, cardiovascular and heart challenges, high blood pressure, infertility, prostate cancer, stress and others do not lie in pills’ magic alone but also between the sheets.
Last week, on Citizen Comfort, we started the treatment of this topic. We noted that sex is not only good for a good heart, we espoused other health benefits of sex. We noted that only partnered sex gets the full sex benefits. We warned that free sex players are vulnerable to more health dangers. To catch up click https://www.citizencomfort.com/2021/04/05/poor-sex-poor-health-benefits-the-health-benefits-of-sex-part-1/
We did just enough to highlight the psycho- physical benefits of sex in the opening episode, we shall, however, wrap up the episode by looking at emotional related issues of sex, sexless marriage versus divorce and the challenges to active sex life.
Active Sex Life
Medical experts suggest that general well -being is associated with sexual frequency. A 2015 study assert that relationship satisfaction improved progressively from having no sex to having sex once a week.
Despite the increasingly busy lives, medical reports put average sexual frequency thus:
- Average adult sexual frequency: 54 times per year (about once per week)
- Adults in their 20s: Around 80 times per year
- Adults in their 60s: 20 times per year
Psychological & Emotional Benefits of Sex
Sex is strongly linked to a better quality of life including:
- Better self-image: Sex can boost self-esteem and reduce feelings of insecurity, leading to more positive perceptions of ourselves.
- Higher rates of happiness: According to a 2015 study conducted in China, more consensual sex and better-quality sex increases happiness.
- More bonding: Brain chemicals released during sex, including endorphins, which decrease irritability and feelings of depression; oxytocin, otherwise known as ‘love hormone’ which increases with nipple stimulation and other sexual activity to foster a sense of calmness and contentment. This ‘love hormone’ helps build feelings of love and trust. According to a medical study of premenopausal women, “the more time the ladies spent kissing and hugging their husbands or partners, the higher their oxytocin levels were. The hormone inspires fuzzy feelings and generosity, too”.
- Look Younger: Another study assert that active sex keeps the partners younger looking. According to the report, Regular sex stimulates the release of estrogen and testosterone, hormones that keep the body young and vital looking. Estrogen promotes younger-looking skin. Judges, in the study, viewed participants through a one-way mirror and guessed their ages. People who had sex at least 4 times per week with a regular partner were perceived to be 7 to 12 years younger than they actually were.
- Live Longer: The secret to longevity may be in having more sex. In a decade-long study of over 1,000 middle-aged men, those who had the most orgasms had half the death rate of those who did not ejaculate frequently. Of course, many factors contribute to longevity, but having an active sex life may be easy, pleasurable way to extend lifespan.
- Sexless Marriage Versus Divorce: Two commonest complaints in the divorce cases in the courts are “he doesn’t touch me again or she doesn’t allow me to touch her again. Which ever is the case, it means the bonding, the intimacy is disintegrating. The relationship is simply falling out of love.
In a 2004 study into divorce in mid and later life, found that one in four divorcees couldn’t identify any obvious problems – concluding they’d simply fallen out of love. The study concluded that divorcing couples rarely have sex, at least not with each other, adding that an absence of any physical intimacy is a marital red flag that should not be ignored.
According to experts, marriages survive on intimacy and sex. Once the intimacy is gone from a marriage, the marriage starts to suffer, especially if it has been months since the couple has been intimate. The spouses start to act like roommates. Once spouse is not getting their sexual needs met, they look for sex elsewhere. This leads to infidelity and divorce. Lack of sex in marriage leads to dissatisfaction, which will ultimately kill the marriage.
Navigating the brick walls to jump start marriage & sex life
Statistics show 42 per cent of marriages end in divorce, and 34 per cent of married couples divorce before their 20th wedding anniversary.
The statistics show that many couples who were previously in good relationships end up getting divorced within 20 years of their nuptials.
Frequency of sex can, and often does, change over time. But that doesn’t mean sex frequency has to be a progressive downhill slide.
Sex therapists say it’s possible for sex to be as good as when you first fell in love. Sex and intimacy can improve as your relationship matures.
In her book, “The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido, a Couple’s Guide,” therapist Michele Weiner-Davis suggests taking a “just do it” approach:
“At first, many were understandably cautious about my Nike-style approach to their sex life; the ‘Just Do It’ advice ran counter to everything they had believed about how sexual desire unfolds…I could often see the relief on people’s faces when they learned that their lack of out-of-the-blue sexual urges didn’t necessarily signify a problem. It didn’t mean there was something wrong with them or that something was missing from their marriages. It just meant that they experienced desire differently.”
If you always wait for your level of desire to match that of your partner, you may be waiting a long time. Instead, communicate your needs and work together to find a happy medium.
Communication is key to spice up sex life. Sometimes, looking at the non-sexual parts can help. According to experts, Upping sex frequency without connecting emotionally or increasing communication isn’t likely to produce lasting improvements in the relationship.
Healthy communication is the single most important tool to foster intimacy. Someone once said “Say what you mean; Mean what you say; But don’t say it meanly.”
Another sex therapist said women G-spot are not always in the same place. According to her, while some men are frantically prodding their partners’ down-below looking for the G-spot, their partners ears’ antennas are on, waiting for the sweet romantic words that will prod them to action. The ear, sometimes, is the G-spot of a woman.
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